Thursday, July 1, 2010

Canada FAQ

Happy Canada Day everyone! That’s right, today is the 6th Annual Canada Day, a day to celebrate (hassle) Canadians and that country’s wealth of history and culture.

For your enjoyment and, more importantly, your education, I will now inject a little bit of Canadian spirit (Labatt’s) into your day by answering some frequently asked questions about Canada.

Q: Where is Canada?

A: Canada, or North North Dakota, is a long, 160-kilometer (mile) wide strip of land sandwiched between the United States to the south and someplace else to the north.

Q: Who lives in Canada?

A: Beavers.

Q: Does Canada have a government?

A: Canada has (borrows from England) a queen who dictates everything from the food they eat (bacon) to the clothes they wear (flannel).

Q: Does Canada have an economy?

A: Yes! Canada’s economy is focused on beer. More specifically, it’s focused on serving beer to American college freshmen who hop the border on weekends. Many Canadians claim that they brew some of the best beer in the world. Of course, they also claim that they burned down the White House once, so take it for what it’s worth.

Canada’s main trading partner is the United States, and their main export is cold fronts. I can personally attest to the high quality of their cold fronts.
Q: Are Canadians good at sports?

A: Yes, they are! A number (two) of famous athletes come from Canada. Wayne Gretzky, the former hockey player, and Steve Nash, the current basketball player both left Canada as soon as they got good at sports!

Also, this past year was very exciting for Canada as they hosted the Winter Olympics and almost got a whole Olympic cauldron to come out of the floor!

Q: Has Canada contributed anything significant in the field of science?

A: Indeed they have. Canadian inventor Guglielmo Marconi in 1900 successfully received the first message by wireless telegraph (C-A-N-A-D-A--S-U-C-K-S--R-O-F-L-M-A-O!).

Q: How about the arts?

A: Many famous actors today hail from Canada including Brendan Fraser (Encino Man), Keanu Reeves (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure), Chandler Bing (The Whole 9 Yards), Alanis Morissette (You Can't Do That On Television) and William Shatner (

Q: How many Canadians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Seven.

Q: Do Canadians have a sense of humor?

A: I hope so.

Q: You’re from South Dakota. Should you really make fun of anyone else’s state or nation?

A:  I don’t see how that’s relevant.


  1. LOL about Canada exporting cold fronts! Here recently they've tried branching out into earthquakes, but I don't think their new product is much of a hit. Besides, down here in Texas, we could use a cold front right about now. Come on, Canada!

  2. Ha ha ha!! You forgot to mention the marijuana leaf as our national symbol! It's on our flag, you know! Also, I would consult David Suzuki about the lightbulb question...

    Bieber-fever forever!


  3. Upon my trips to Canada (as a college freshman) I discovered that Canadians I encountered do not have much of a sense of humor.

    I think your Q and A could make some of them smile. It's funny, because it's true. :-)

  4. Thanks for the comments! I know this isn't traditional fare for 3WW, but I felt like hammering out a little humor column and figured, "Why fight it?"

  5. This worked on so many levels, Mr. Merritt. And a humor column is just fine for a contribution.